They Talk Too Much

Another week is upon us, and here I am once again typing a bunch of words that may or may not make any difference to anyone at all. In spite of the fact that sometimes people say that I write nice things, I still have insecurity, and most of us struggle with that from time to time, no matter our field. “It's natural”, they say, but I wonder if that's really true. I know people that make great food, but still apologize for it when it comes out of the oven. I know great musicians who feel that their art doesn't matter. People who have been made to believe they're not as good as others, and are sadly mistaken. It doesn't seem natural, it seems like something that has been learned.

It's all pretty sad if you think about it too long, so I try not to; I just try to spread some positivity or maybe offer a little perspective. Honestly, I'm not too confident in my abilities to do those things either. How am I supposed to spread positivity when I so often feel like humanity is a lost cause? I have no idea, but I try anyway. My perspective is usually “it can always be worse”, but that's not exactly a happy sound-bite for people to latch onto, so maybe it does no good. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, but “they” say a lot of things, and most of them are lies. I don't know who or what to believe, so I just try to believe in myself, and all these good people I try to surround myself with.

I once read some advice regarding how to get the most out of your day, and remain positive through it all. They said, “wake up, and smile, even if you have to force it”. I thought that was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard, or at least the dumbest thing I'd heard that day. Nevertheless, I tried it because I'm open to new things, and figured it was worth a shot. It felt terrible having the first thing I thought about in the morning being the fact that I don't smile easily. Good advice isn't “one size fits all”, but rarely do people include that little disclaimer.

Forcing a smile first thing in the morning made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. All my life I've had people tell me I look mad, or that I should cheer up. Let me tell you something about telling people things like that: it doesn't work. More often than not, it creates the opposite of the desired effect; good intentions are fine, but you've got to pick your battles. “Fake it till you make it” they said, and once again I found myself thinking “they” are among the dumbest, most out-of-touch people on Earth. Kinda like politicians, now that I think about it.

Did “they” build pyramids or were they the ones standing off to the side telling everyone else how they think it should be done? Maybe they stood there saying, “well, when I was working for the other Pharaoh...” while everyone else rolled their eyes, silently praying for a divine spark to scorch the insufferable imbecile. Did “they” ever find any cures for diseases, or were they too busy telling the sick “fake it till you make it” or “just try harder”? I wonder if these are the same people who ask you “where did you have it last?” when you lose something.

Humans are considered social creatures, in spite of hating each other for the most part, and the absurdity of that makes me laugh. Sometimes you just have to laugh, but the utter ridiculousness of our day-to-day lives are enough to drive anyone to the brink. “It's natural to feel that way sometimes”, they say, but maybe it's just part of our conditioning. A downtrodden populace is much easier to control than a world of confident people, sure that they're capable of changing the world. Don't jump up and say “conspiracy theory” to that idea either. Tell me that's not plausible when nearly every bit of mainstream media you consume does little more than instill fear, and insecurity.

Most of us wake up, force ourselves to eat something, and rush out the door, already feeling frazzled before we've started our day. We go to a place full of people we don't really like, to work on things we don't really care about, for an unfair wage. This wage is used to pay just enough of our bills to keep us from accumulating so much debt that our wages are taken from us before we ever see them. That, of course, is only the beginning. You're controlled from birth to death, you're viewed as a stock, not a person. In short, this is madness, so it's no wonder we're all mad.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to tell you to be nice to each other, and lend a hand whenever you can, but how many times has this been said in our lives? Aren't I “preaching to the choir” at this point? It hasn't sank in yet for the general public, so how am I supposed to think that mentioning it for the billionth time will suddenly make it set in? As if people are gonna snap out of it, and stop being assholes just because they read it on a blog they thought was all about making fun of bands or whatever. Who am I to tell you about life when I don't have it even remotely figured out for myself? Hey, at least I'm not trying to sell you anything.

I'm not saying that I'm giving up hope, but I am saying that I'm tired of being consistently disappointed. We could be so much more caring, but we'd rather be dishonest, and greedy. We could live as titans in a land of plenty, but we'd rather screw each other out of money. We love to belittle, and fight with each other. We scream “Worldstar” or chant “Jerry” while someone films it instead of recognizing the problem, and fixing it. Life isn't a game, but if it were, we'd definitely be losing. Meanwhile, there is a small group of people laughing at us all the way to the bank.

It's a damn shame, and I don't want any part of it. I want a revolt, preferably non-violent, but you know how that tends to work out. I'm not gonna rebel by burning down buildings, hacking websites or holding a sign in the street. I'm gonna rebel by not taking part in all this frivolity, and hatred. I want to make an honest effort to be kind, even to strangers on the Internet. Even when I'm having a hard time, and don't want to get out of bed. Even when I feel deep down that it doesn't matter, I'm gonna keep trying; if nothing else, because I'm pissed off, and hard-headed. As difficult as it gets, I've got to keep trying, we all do. I know things are terrible, but that doesn't mean I have to contribute to the problem, and neither do you.

This year has been exceptionally brutal for a lot of us, and there's no telling what the future will bring, but it doesn't have to bring more of the same. Through all these years, “they” have wound up saying at least one thing that rings true: “Put enough monkeys in a room with enough typewriters, and they'll eventually write Hamlet”. While that may be true, a more positive thought is: “Be the change that you want to see”, it's a phrase that has been on my mind almost all year. I will move forward with this thought in mind, but not just for myself, for everyone I meet. It's so hard to find the silver lining in a sky that often appears to be dark, but we've got to keep looking. We've got to keep pounding on the keys, and eventually, we'll do our best work yet.